My husband is addicted to online dating sites
In one academic study, it was found that nearly 90 per cent of 304 random scenes showed ‘physical aggression, principally spanking, gagging, and slapping,’ while half contained ‘verbal aggression, primarily name-calling’ against women.Which is particularly disturbing when you consider how Swedish research recently discovered that, like young boys, young girls now use pornography as their principal source of sex education.It usually starts as an avoidance technique, either for failure, depression, loneliness, stress and boredom.‘But of course after using porn, those problems haven’t gone, and now on top of dealing with them, women are also dealing with the shame, guilt and discomfort.And so they turn to porn again.’ Yet psychosexual counsellor Krystal Woodbridge, of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, insists that, when used in moderation and within a loving relationship, porn can benefit some women.‘For some, it enhances their intimacy with their partners.
There was a crucial difference in how it affected them, however: ‘While I was enough for him, soon he became too boring in bed for me.’It was when she took an online test, which asked questions about whether she was using such material to control her mood, that Sophia realised she had a problem and joined a support group for women.‘It didn’t feel sexy or fun any more,’ she says.
But while some therapists hear young women say the violence of porn makes them too afraid to have sex, others like Emma found the constant exposure made her feel highly sexed.‘I had lost my virginity to a boyfriend before university but after I started watching a lot more porn it was all about hook-up sex and one-night stands.
Sex became like starring in my own porn film in my mind and I thought I knew exactly what to do.’However, what at first seemed liberating, started to feel soulless, says Emma.
This is because, as women who have shared their experiences with Wilson have pointed out, they don’t need as long a recovery period after climaxing as men.
As a result, women have reported going on ‘porn binges’.Sophia says it was a sure way to achieve an orgasm and, crucially, something she could control when ‘everything else was on everyone else’s terms.’ But then it started to impact on her real sex life.